Paua Series: Changing Colours

I’ve always talked about how everyone has a story and how we could change it to have a better perspective. And now I’m changing the story of my previous post 'True Colours' because I realised that I had put him on a pedestal when I shouldn’t have in the first place.

Again, it was too short but I am truly thankful to God that He had put him in my life for that period because I went through so many tests that challenged my faith and because of them, right now, I have never loved God so much so in my life. And I realised that the only thing that I should put on a pedestal is God- not a human being with potential disappointments.

And there were so many disappointments where he made me feel unworthy. 

Nonetheless, I just couldn’t let go of the person I had fallen in love with in the first place. The one I thought I could trust, the one that I thought who would always protect me and the one who treated me like a queen and would do anything to make me happy. I couldn’t let go of the memories and promises we had shared together. And I had never loved someone so much so in my life.

I held on to that person and the memories as tight as I could, for longer than I should have. I was so stupid to have done so. But I was even more stupid to have put him on a pedestal.

I realised that it was because I didn’t know my worth. I had thought that he took all of my worth with him as he left. But the thing is, I am worthy. Always have been and always will be. I was just blinded to see what everyone else had seen. Everyone knows that I deserve better and that he is not worth it. But I just couldn’t believe it.

But one day he told me that the person I had once loved is not there anymore.

And I believed him for the first time in a long time.

He told me, one day I will realise that I deserve so much better.

And I believed him for the second time.

Nonetheless, I had previously said that he was the best thing that had happened to me. It’s still true. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t have had loved God as much as I do now. I wouldn’t have had the motivation to be my greatest version or work on my goals or focus on things that I am passionate about. I know what I want and definitely don't want where I also learnt a lot about myself.

Although I was heartbroken, it was truly a blessing. Alhamdulillah, God has healed me and has blessed me. I then realised that true love is when you love someone for the sake of God. So I have full tawakkul that God will give me someone deserving that I will love for the sake of loving Him.

And in all honesty, in the end, I have lost nothing, but I had gained everything.

(P.S: You are phenomenal and you deserve to be treated phenomenally. If they treat you any less, then they are not deserving of you. Most importantly, remember to love yourself and to know your worth as well and your standards.)

Nurul Shamsul