And Just Like That, It’s Spring Again.
The past couple of weeks I have been thinking about the growth I have done from the past couple of years. Needless to say, I am definitely not the same person I was four or even three years ago. It’s interesting how we live our lives day to day, not realising that one day our thoughts and habits will shape who we are in the future.
It has been hard for me to process the past couple of years because too many things have had happened. I had to come to a point where I had to accept that no one could ever truly understand exactly how I felt. Grief was also something that I had to sit with for the longest of time.
It does take time. Time heals. But you also have to do the work. I had to re-learn how to love myself again. I had to instill that I am worthy once more. I took it day by day. And slowly, little by little, I’m finally becoming more of the woman that I envision.
I have also learned to accept, forgive, and let go. These three are all easier said than done. You have to unpack the reasons why you feel a particular way. You have to confront the truth. Sometimes you have to hold yourself accountable. And sometimes you just have to carry on. It’s all an uncomfortable process but that is when growth truly happens.
This past year I also felt stuck. I have to admit that I thought that I wasn’t in a place or situation that I wanted to be in. Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, I had to leave a dream job in Malaysia and come back to New Zealand. And it felt like I had to start all over again.
At first, I thought that starting all over again and not knowing what will happen next was a bad thing. But it made me realise that sometimes the things that I want are not exactly what I needed. Along the way, I appreciated and became more grateful for the littlest things. I am more present. I met and became closer to the people that would help me grow. I’m learning the things I have always wanted to learn. I saw and felt the Greatness, Beauty, and Mercy of Allah. And now my heart is much softer. Alhamdullilah.
In saying all this, these past couple of years felt like they went by in a blink of an eye. And just like that, it’s Spring again. But this time the air smells different, the colours are more vibrant and it already feels so much warmer.
Growth will come with its seasons. With time and a beautiful patience, you will begin to understand the wisdom behind everything. I am and always have been where I have meant to be. Sometimes we plan but of course, Allah is the best of planners. And I am always reminded of this time and time again.
“No amount of guilt can change the past, and no amount of worrying can change the future. Go easy on yourself, for the outcome of all affairs is determined by Allaah’s decree.
If something is meant to go elsewhere, it will never come your way, but if it is yours by destiny, from it you cannot flee.”