I have been surprising myself lately, with a lot of good things. Things that makes me happy and proud of myself because I did it for me and no one else. For starters, I have a lot more motivation than I used to. I just do things. Every time, I convince myself by thinking: "You just got to do it Yantie." Even when I have low mood and I have no energy or all I want to do is lay in bed, I just needed to convince myself because I finally realised that the only person that can really help you is yourself. Once I finish doing something, I feel proud, simply because I just did it. Now instead of dreading to do things such as studying or exercising, I actually get excited because I have seen the benefits of consistency and doing things that are good for my health and future.
With that being said, I have been studying more and going to all of my lectures (have I mentioned that I LOVE and enjoy all the papers I am taking?). I'm so grateful that for this semester, I chose papers that I am really interested in and they are even better because all of my lecturers and tutors are amazing as well. I'm surprising myself because my attitude towards my studies has changed dramatically. Before, I had so much doubt with myself and that I will never be good enough to attain my dream. Now I feel confident that I can achieve anything if I set my mind to it, do my best and give my 110%. I used to make my education as a top priority and now I have realised that I need to be grateful and make it my priority again.
Then yesterday I had really surprised myself. I went on the scales for the first time in a long time and I was surprised to realise that I had lost weight instead of gaining weight. In the last three months, I had managed to lose 10kgs. I haven't been this weight ever since I was sixteen. And I feel great. I'm not saying that by being skinnier, I am happier. What I would like to point out is that I gave myself the motivation to achieve something, which kept me busy and helped me focus on myself and my health. I would be lying if I said that I always went to the gym and counted my calories. All I did was got up, from my seat or my bed and took a nice long walk, every day. Not only was I exercising (even though it was just walking), it helped me to slow down my thoughts and it actually made me breathe as well as calm myself down. I also changed my eating habits, I made my portion sizes smaller and only ate until I am almost full. Also, I drank a LOT of water, as well as green tea and ate fewer carbs. Nonetheless, I'm proud of myself for not neglecting my health and so now, I feel so much better. Another point I would like to make is that by not going on the scales every day (which would have made me even more insecure about myself) and by just going how I felt about my body (energetic and happy=healthy; down and low energy=something needs to be changed) or how my clothes or even rings fitted, I was able to achieve my goal. Remember, the scale does not define you or your worth, only YOU can do that.
Lastly, I had surprised myself because one day I just woke up and I stopped overthinking. I was calm, I still am and I will keep choosing to be. With my being calm, I am able to start being the best version of myself. My mind is clear so I am able to think positively and I am in the process of deciding what I want and who I want to be. By being at peace, I feel more accepting of everything that comes my way and in turn, it makes me optimistic and excited about life.
Remember, don't be so hard on yourself and never give up because you will be surprised with what you can accomplish. Along the way, remind yourself of all the things that you are grateful for and the goals you want to achieve and hopefully, that will give you the motivation to continue living life positively.