Paua Series: Standards

Before getting into the dating field, you need to set some standards. I’m not talking about writing your very own 'Mr Perfect' list. No. I’m talking about setting some standards for yourself. It's all about respect. Respect for your needs, expectations and most importantly, respect for your future self. The key things you need to do is to love and respect yourself. From there, work on yourself- set standards.

Therefore, when you set standards for your potential significant other, you can say yes when you ask yourself this important question: 'Do I reflect these standards or qualities?'

You need to be realistic. It doesn't mean he needs to be in your league/level or you need to be in theirs. But how can you expect to have a partner who respects you when you don't respect anyone else? Or how can you expect him to be nice to you when you are a spiteful person?

Nonetheless, if you don't set standards, you're more than likely to date any person that comes to you. And I mean any person. And I see it all too often. It's not pretty- it's desperate. It's much worse if you accept someone who walks all over you- takes advantage, makes fun of, or victimises you. And so, in my opinion, it is important for you to set some standards.

So why set standards? Set them to make the relationship work and to make you happy/ satisfied with the relationship. Set your standards to remind yourself of your needs and the requirements for a healthy relationship.

Standards could include respect to you and those closest to you, the way he treats you, punctuality, manners or even paying on the first date. It's more important for you to write down your needs rather than your wants. But then again, ask yourself if they are important; do you really 'need' a guy with abs? Remember, physical attraction is important but chemistry is even more important; beauty will always fade and when that time comes, will their personality make you stay?

Yes, opposites may attract but you will more than likely date someone who is similar to you and your personality.  However, when you meet someone, don't let them know all of your standards, let them figure it out by themselves; you do this by ‘softly’ stating upfront, from the very beginning the things that you don't appreciate them doing. My reason being is that if they are interested, they would make the effort to find out what those standards are. Also in his book: ‘Act like a Lady, Think like a Man’, Steve Harvey states that men are very simple, logical people and if they are interested, would do anything to meet your expectations.

So set your standards. Be realistic. Be respectful towards yourself. Reflect on the standards you have set and see if you yourself or your potential other meets them.

(Hint: If he treats you like a queen, or people comments on how much of a queen he treats you, then trust me, he is exceeding your standards. Also read more quotes from Steve Havery here: http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/relationships/features/g3163/steve-harvey-quotes/?)